Mowing Your Way to a Better You

No, that red mushroom cloud you saw blooming over southern Greenville last week wasn't the work of Sum Dum Ill -- or whatever the name of that chubby little lunatic running North Korea is -- lobbing a warhead over at us. Nope. It was my annual Ceremonial First Mowing of the Dirt.

And, this is my annual "Ceremonial First Mowing of the Dirt" blog.

Even as a journalist of sorts, I don't have the words to describe just what a wasteland my front yard is. If the History Channel decides to do a mini series on the first moon landing, I will offer my yard as the set to stage the landing. Neil Armstrong would come down the ladder and say, "This is one small step for man, one giant leap for…holy crap, this yard is a mess!"

That would mean, though, that the History Channel would have to start airing some actual history programming. I scrolled through two weeks of programming looking for shows to record only to discover that there is probably only about 10 hours of history programming in any given week. Every show is some sort of reality TV. Ax Men, Swamp People and so on. What history shows are scheduled are reruns of stuff that first aired years ago: Modern Marvels and Civil War Journal. So I'm not holding my breath on the whole Neil Armstrong thing.

Because summer has yet to really arrive, the surface isn't nearly as dry as it will be in another six weeks. In summer, I look like Pig Pen out for a stroll as I push my mower over the red clay. When done, I am covered in red dust. It's in my ears, in my nose and other assorted orifices.

I only ran the mower over about two-thirds of the yard area. I just needed to beat back the weeds. If it weren't for weeds, I wouldn't even need to own a mower. The good news: the mower started on the first pull. It hasn't done that since new six years ago. Usually I change the oil, spark plug and air filter at the start of every season, but I don't want to mess with success. I'm not doing anything until it fails to start.

I am still trying to make myself spend the money on some tree trimming and removal. Of course, that will just make seeing the disaster that is my yard easier.

One step forward, two steps back.