Winning an Award Without Really Trying

I'm a wiener!

To say I never win anything would be a fib -- one of somewhat small proportions -- but a fib nonetheless.

In fact, just a couple of months ago I won a whopping four bucks when I matched three numbers on the Power Ball lottery. Whoo-hoo!

I also won an Xbox once, along with several games, at a vendor party when I was editing NOPI Street Performance Compact Magazine. The name of this magazine was longer than its publishing life, but it was fun while it lasted.

I wound up selling my Xbox collection -- several of the games unopened -- at a yard sale. I think I made about $100 on the lot.

So, I do win from time to time.

That's why it wasn't a complete surprise when I received an e-mail from my gym congratulating me on winning the Presidential Active Lifestyle Award. And I don't even play golf.

I suspect the President singled me out because I go to the gym most days. How did he know? Like Santa Claus, I guess he knows when you are sleeping; he knows when you're awake.

Evidently there is some sort of push to reach a goal of 1 million Americans earning this award by September 14th of this year. Now they only have 999,999 to go.

I was quite full of myself for about 20 seconds until I read what it took to qualify.

Are you ready?

To win this award an adult must be active for 30 minutes a day, at least 5 days a week for 6 out of 8 weeks. There is no definition for active, so I'm not sure if mowing the lawn, waving at passing traffic or hanging clothes on the line qualifies.

If you do a little math, you find it works out to a total of 15 active hours in 8 weeks. Or 15 active hours out of 1,344 hours.

The President is patting people on the back for being active for 1 out of every 90 hours.

Am I the only one who thinks this is a pretty low bar?

I guess it's like passing out trophies to all the kids in a tournament no matter how they performed.

Oh well, I guess a win is a win.

Of course the President didn't even bother to fill in my name in the appropriate space on the certificate.

I wonder if doing so myself will count toward my 30 minutes of activity today.