Mayan Doomsday: Don't Begin Any Long Books

If you plan on spending Friday, December 21 sitting on the floor of your basement surrounded by canned goods and bottled water with a baseball bat balanced on your lap, you aren't alone. It seems more than a few of our neighbors expect the world to end on Friday.

What do I think? I am flying to New Mexico on the 21st and only bought a one-way ticket.

No, that's not true. Sadly, I expect I'll be around to make the return trip home.

I have to say, whether it's the end of the world or not, I'm quite fine with it. The way things are going in this country, hardly anyone will notice another crisis.

If my plane falls out of the heavens, I only hope it's after I've received my thimble-sized shot of apple juice and six-nut bag of peanuts. At least I'd feel somewhat like I had gotten my money's worth out of the price of my ticket. Well, if you discount the rush of spiraling 30,000 feet to the ground in an aluminum tube.

No one seems to know exactly what will happen on the 21st if the Mayan scare is realized. Will the earth burn up in some cataclysmic episode? Will some plague grip the world's population? Will Rosie O'Donnell get a prime-time talk show?

I went online to check out some of the predictions. On one of the 12-21-2012 Web sites, the writer attempted to clear up the mystery by speaking with a few Mayans. Here's what he says a Mayan called Beto told him (I'm not making this up.), "The last and current lines of humans were made from corn because humans, like corn, will come from the dirt and follow a similar cycle..."

Seriously? These people think humans somehow sprang from corn, and we're giving weight to predictions they made regarding 2012 some 5,000 years ago? I guess it probably stands a better chance of being correct than Weather.com's prediction for next week's weather; but c'mon.

All I'm saying is that you might not want to empty out whatever's left of your 401k for a spending spree because you think you won't be around on the 22nd.

No doubt you and I both will still be here; and, unfortunately, so will Rosie O'Donnell.

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Once Upon a Time: A Fairy Tale to Make You Drink

I am enjoying a short spell off the road. My cat's happy, but hanging out at home doesn't provide much fodder for blogging. Is my life boring? In a word: yes.

But I'm fine with that. I sort of like just cranking back in my recliner and watching some TV. It may not be exciting, but it's cheap and relaxing. I'm fine with that for short periods. I mean it's not like all I do when I am in town is sit at home. On the contrary, I have my usual haunts that I frequent on a regular schedule. But even that routine is like that old pair of tattered jeans that fit so well, you just can't toss them.

I walk into these places, greet the staff -- many by name -- locate my usual stool at the end of the bar, and fire up my iPad or netbook.

When I'm not just goofing off, I have been finishing up the last two big assignments I have to knock out this year.

I am spending a lot of time in front of the TV.

I am ambivalent in regards to Netflix. I spend $8 a month to download its selection of old movies and TV shows. I say, old movies, because it runs about three months behind Red Box getting movies once they are released for home consumption. But I've had no trouble finding enough things to download to keep me paying my $8 a month.

My most recent Netflix obsession is "Once Upon a Time."

Last year was its first season. I've been seeing the trailers and promos for it for two years, but I can only watch so much TV -- particularly with my travel schedule.

So, I've taken this little period of down time to watch the first season.

Here's the plot: The Evil Queen of Snow White fame, is so ticked off that she was outsmarted by Prince Charming and Snow, that she casts a spell sending the entire enchanted kingdom to hell. Hell being current U.S. of A. I think that's putting it mildly.

Anyway, the entire group winds up in a little town called Storybrooke. The Evil Queen is the mayor. Here's the thing, no one knows they don't belong. They all have new identities and memories.

Snow is a school teacher and Charming was in a coma in the hospital when the season began. By episode six or so, he's awake and working for the animal shelter.

In the mythology of this story, Charming and Snow had a baby when the curse began; they managed to use some magic and save her from the curse.

Named Emma Swan, she winds up in Storybrooke as well. Her character is played by Jennifer Morrison who was in the first five or six seasons of "House." She is the white hat to the Queens black one. Oh, I forgot to mention that the Queen is the adoptive mother of the son Emma gave up at birth. He is also the only one who knows what's going on and keeps driving everyone to remember their past. Are you confused? Me too, but it's good.

Characters there include Red Riding Hood, the Seven Dwarfs,

Rumplestiltskin and probably several more I haven't even been introduced to yet.

All I'm saying is that it's worth a look.

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Walking Dead Is Not About Me

I just finished watching season 2 of "Walking Dead." No, it's not about me.

It's the quintessential zombie TV series.

One of my nieces turned me on to it. She gave me season 1 on DVD, and I watched most of it with my sister on my summer visit to New Mexico.

I have since installed a Blu-Ray player with WiFi in my living room, and can now download all manner of TV shows and movies directly from Netflix. It's a slacker's dream come true. I don't even have to go to Red Box and pick the things up.

So over the course of the past week, I downloaded and watched the 13 episodes of season 2.

As you might expect, there is a fair amount of gore in each episode; it is a series about zombies after all. However, it's quite entertaining with decent production value for a low-budget AMC-original show.

I'm hooked.

Here's the background:

A police officer is shot and slips into a coma; when he awakes in his hospital bed, the world as he knew it is gone. Almost everyone is dead and those who aren't, are, you got it, the walking dead. No one knows how this happened, but if one of the zombies bites you, you become one too.

Our hero eventually finds his wife and son, who are traveling with a small group of survivors in Georgia. He becomes their leader and the adventure is on.

In case you ever come face to face with a zombie, the only way to put it down permanently is by destroying its brain with a bullet, shotgun blast or just by hacking it pieces with a knife, cleaver or some blunt object.

 

Now it's just a matter of waiting another eight months until season 3 finds its way to Netflix.

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Christmas Movies Without the Warm Fuzzies

Let's talk Christmas movies, shall we…

These aren't the typical, sappy, warm-fuzzy Christmas films. I get as misty as everyone else watching "Miracle on 34^th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life," but these aren't my favorite holiday movies.

Nope, here are some of my favorites…

Lethal Weapon -- If you recall, we first get to see Mel Gibson's character in action in a Christmas tree lot where he does his Curly impression. It doesn't get any better than that.

Die Hard and Die Hard 2 -- The quintessential fish-out-of-water plot, Bruce Willis' character finds himself all that stands between a group of terrorist thieves in Nakatomi Plaza, and his wife and her coworkers. Yippee ki yay mother…, well, you get it.

Trading Places -- Great comedy by Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd, not to mention Jamie Lee Curtis topless. It may well be my favorite holiday comedy ever.

Enemy of the State -- Will Smith is out Christmas shopping when he runs into an old friend who is killed in front of him. Gene Hackman plays the cynical, off-the-grid ex-NSA agent who grudgingly winds up helping him against rogue U.S. intelligence agents.

And finally, for my gal pals, here's a chick flick that I also happen to like -- mostly because it co-stars Kate Beckinsale -- Serendipity. It's a love found, love lost, love found movie that also stars wing-nut liberal John Cusak. I recommend it anyway.

There you have it: Christmas movies you can watch any time of year.  

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Steelers Make Me a Believer, Again

I don't think I've ever been as proud of the Steelers and as happy to be a fan as I was last week when they pulled an upset over the Baltimore Ravens.

I sure didn't see it coming: third-string quarterback in, No. 1 cornerback out. But somehow they dug deep and pulled it out.

Charlie Batch, who looked mediocre at best the week before in the embarrassing loss to the Browns, was putting the ball right on the numbers last week. The interception wasn't an issue in my mind; Big Ben usually gets picked off once or so a game.

So, the Steelers without their best offensive weapon and the Ravens without Ray Lewis, their best defensive weapon, eked out a 23 to 20 win with a field goal in the closing seconds of the game.

I was stunned.

For years the road to the playoffs and the Super Bowl for the Steelers has been through Baltimore. So it will be this year. Currently leading the division, the Ravens will probably duel the Steelers again in the playoffs.

After San Diego, of the remaining three games, two are against teams in their own division: Browns and Bengals. Steelers need to win both. Beating the AFC Chargers would be helpful as well.

Can't believe the regular season is so close to being over. Where's that longer season everyone keeps talking about?

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A Little Beach, A Little Rain and Some VW Beetle Convertible

Southern California is known for, among other things, sunshine and balmy temperatures. I saw no evidence of either on a recent trip to the Golden State.

Volkswagen chose Santa Monica to introduce its redesigned Beetle Convertible to the motoring press. (Doesn't "motoring press" sound elegant? Almost as though we are doing something worthwhile.) During my two-night stay, the temperature never exceeded 65 degrees and the sun never bothered peeking from behind the clouds. We might as well have been in Seattle.

On the positive side, had the weather cooperated to the point we could have dropped the top for the day, we wouldn't have formed an appreciation for how well the Beetle's cloth cover keeps out traffic and road noise. It is remarkably quiet with the top in place -- a top that requires just 9.5 seconds to lower at speeds up to 31 mph.

The nasty weather didn't prevent us from driving cars armed with each of the available three engines. The 200-horsepower 2-liter four-cylinder turbo was the most fun to drive, but even the entry-level 170-horsepower 2.5-liter engine wasn't a slouch. There's also a torquey TDI diesel in the mix.

All of the cars I drove were equipped with the optional mind-blowing Fender-infused audio system. It's one of the best factory systems in a small car. VW is also making some special editions with unique color schemes, wheels and badging based on 50s-, 60s- and 70s-era Beetles.

Base pricing begins at $24,995 and escalates to $32,295 before adding on the $795 destination charge.

On our Beetle Convertible drive we based out of Malibu Beach's Sunset Restaurant. We hopped in and out of various Beetles, driving them on routes that took us along the beach and into the mountains. Going up to Mulholland Drive the fog was so thick, visibility was perhaps 30 feet. It was like being in an episode of the old TV series "Outer Limits." That's a bit more adventure than I want from a California ramble.

While in California, VW put us up at The Shore Hotel on Ocean Avenue, just a block or two from the Third Street Promenade with all of its shops and watering holes. In fact, VW took over the entire hotel for the week.

This didn't exactly provide us the freedom to ride the elevators naked, but we had the run of the place.

Dinner the first night was a catered affair at the flagship Converse store at the Third Street Promenade. It's quite the operation.

VW had us fitted for a pair of shoes and also arranged a tempting discount on any purchases of our own. I haven't owned a pair of Converse in 45 years; now I have two pair. What, I'm not going to take advantage of a deal?

One of the desserts was red velvet Twinkies. Yes, decadent, but tasty.

Dinner the second night was at Mercado on 4th Street. You may assume from the name that it specializes in Mexican fare. The food was good, if a little foo foo for my taste. I'm down for the basics: tacos, enchiladas and so forth.

In the "basics" department, however, were the glasses of Dos Equis Amber beer punctuated with shots of Don Julio 1842 tequila. It may not have transformed me into the "Most Interesting Man in the World," but it made me happy.

Stay thirsty, my friend.

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What Fool Cast Tom Cruise as Jack Reacher?

Okay, I'm just going to come out and say it: Who is the blithering idiot who cast Tom Cruise in the role of Jack Reacher in the upcoming film "One Shot." Wait, I know; it was the movie's producer Tom Cruise.

Only an arrogant nincompoop like the 5'7" Cruise could possibly read a Reacher novel with its 6'5" 250-pound protagonist and think to himself, "Hey, that's me!"

Only Cruise himself could think that somehow his intense, over-fidgety on-screen persona could somehow translate into the laid-back, lumbering Reacher.

Reacher is not a kung fu fighter, he's a brawler, and that's part of his charm.

Even the miscast Harrison Ford as Jack Ryan in a few of those films, doesn't hold a candle to this train wreck.

Obviously they are making this movie for an audience that has never heard of Jack Reacher.

I'm sure what we are basically going to get is "Mission Impossible" Three or Four or whatever that series is up to. Of course with Cruise's character's name changed to Jack Reacher.

I have yet to speak to one fan of the books who hasn't been totally mystified by the casting, as I was until I did a little research, discovering Cruise is the producer. Oh, so he's the fool who hired himself.

Apparently Cruise managed to put most of the budget earmarked for the cast and crew into his own pocket. Outside of Robert Duvall, I didn't recognize a name among the cast; although, I might recognize a face or two.

He choose a basically unknown to direct. Christopher McQuarrie received some writing credit for the Mission Impossible films, but I can't find much else he's done.

I would normally be very enthusiastic about this movie, but not as it is shaking out.

Will I see it?

I'm sure it will be in a Red Box near me at some point. I'll roll the dice and spend $1.50 renting the Blu-Ray disc.

Cruise as Reacher: You've got to be kidding.

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